look, it’s very straightforward. i keep an Excel spreadsheet open on my second monitor, and whenever i see a Contentious Poast making the rounds, i use it to carefully document which of my mutuals reblogged a version of it with Correct Commentary and which ones reblogged a version with Incorrect Conmentary. this either adds to or subtracts from a running total, with the magnitude of the change based on the importance/annoyingness of the post in question. whenever two of my mutuals are in ideological conflict, i use their respective running totals as Elo scores, with the winner of the discourse (i.e. the one i agree with) taking points from the loser. the mutuals at the top of this spreadsheet by the end of the month will be buried with me in my tomb next to my jewels and finery, while the ones at the bottom will be sent out of the Vault’s airlock one at a time in an attempt to sate the hunger of the nanomachine clouds. now help me lift this insect corpse, i think i see something salvageable under it
My brother’s girlfriend had HPV, so he went to get himself the HPV vaccine. There is a fee to pay (nothing much, something like €87) but it’s completely free if you’re in one of the “at risk” groups.
“What does that mean,” he asks. “It’s free if you’re gay,” he’s told. “Ah. Would I have to like, prove it, or…?” “Just put in a check mark here.”
My brother is in no way, shape or form attracted to men, but also he’s stingy as it gets. So now he’s officially gay. Congrats bro.
“Doctor, give it to me straight” “You sure, there’s a fee” “… Give it to me gay”
AGAB (Assigned Gay At Billing)
Fascinated by the fact that his first question was about if he’d have to prove it. I wanna know how far that man would go to save less than a dollar
Sorry, do you think 87 euros is less than a dollar
new gender idea: guy who is super masculine and uses he/him pronouns, but every time someone acknowledges his gender or asks about it he switches to feminine presentation and she/her pronouns and refuses to acknowledge the change
sorry. *girl who is super feminine and uses she/her but everytime someone asks she switches to masc and he/him and refuses to acknowledge the change
doggirl talking to her crush trying to hold in her tail wags
doggirl talking to her crush trying to discreetly grab her tail to stop it from wagging but it keeps wagging out of the way just in time and her attempts keep getting more and more conspicuous
I do love the phrase executive dysfunction bc the image it conjures is of a bunch of people wearing business suits around a long oval conference table arguing with each other to the point where they’re getting into physical fights, but in the background there’s just a big empty whiteboard with a To Do list with one item on it and that item is “take shower”
this is a message for everyone who is 22. if you’re 22 please stop worrying. take a deep breath eat a bagel maybe. everything that feels impossible is going to work itself out. have a great day
do u have a message for 25 year olds
uhhhhh 2 bagels?
I’m 32. When I was in my early twenties, I overheard a pair of 50ish year old women talking about the ideal age to stay at permanently. One said, “Everyone says 25. I wouldn’t want to be in my twenties forever. Everything is hard and you get upset too easily.”
Hearing her say that helped me so much. I thought about it countless times. Every time things felt overwhelming, I remembered what she said. The words of this total stranger, who wasn’t even talking directly to me, brought me a lot of comfort, so I hope they can help you, too.
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